Friendships

So as I woke up this morning I was thinking about all the events of last night. Do friendships really just end like that? Should I just let it all go like I decided? Should I call and apologize? Should I wait a few days to let it all pass over? I hate when things end on bad terms. He said one thing to me yesterday that I am holding on to. He said, "You can't turn back the hands of time so you need to just get over it." Ok. So no, I can't turn back time, but I certainly can change the future. Just because you are a jerk doesn't mean I don't ever have to speak to you again. We could still be friends. We could change the future. Then I also start to think about how much is it really worth it, though. He seriously made me feel like crap for about a week...and I am still working on getting out of that phase. It hurts bad when someone you trusted treats you badly. I am willing to still be friends, but he doesn't want to. Why? He says now it's because I gave his phone number to my brother. Well, I am sorry, but atleast someone cared about me...and it certainly wasn't the one who left me at the airport! So then I get into whether I want to email a message, voicemail (because I know that he won't actually pick up the phone), or text it. I think I need to try just one more time. I will apologize for giving his number out and ask him if we could please talk this out...when he is good and ready of course because it's all about him. Well, I think I will leave out that last part :). I will ask him to call so if the friendship has to end it will atleast end on good terms. We are old enough now to talk things out. We should be able to handle atleast that much! Now I have to decide if I want to call now or wait a few days. Ah....I hate disagreements! I want everyone to be happy all the time!! So of course I want to call right this instant and make it all better...but so far me calling everyday has changed nothing...so should I wait? This is not my area of expertise. I prefer instant gratification. I am not good at waiting, especially when I know that someone might be hurting. Although, he said yesterday that it didn't bother him at all to not talk to me. Oh...thanks...that makes me feel real good. Sigh...such a dilemma.

Oh...and a change of subject real quick. My brother just told me tht he was moving out. I shouldn't care. I hardly ever see him anyway, but....it just goes back to my previous post that states that people always leave! Why can't anyone just want to stay with me? Please? Am I really that bad of a person? I have very few friends. Don't get me wrong...the ones that I have are great...but I always have to wonder how long they will stay before they get tired of me too. Everyone always leaves. I can't handle my brother leaving me right now. I need someone to stay with me. I need someone to never leave. And now I sound so needy that it makes ME want to gag. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.