Testimony

I want to believe that I have a testimony of the gospel. I live my life the way that I am supposed to...well most of the time. However, I find myself constantly battling that little voice in my head that says that I don't want to go to church. I am tired. I am tired of choosing the right all of the time. I don't want to anymore. Atleast I don't want to have to fight with myself to do it. I know that church is where I need to be, but I find myself drifting. I got a call saying that I am in charge of FHE. I don't want to go. I don't want a calling at all, really. I used to love church, FHE, and every other possible activity. Now, I find myself falling further and further away. What's worse is that I don't even feel guilty anymore. I am just plain tired. I feel the spirit, I do. I know what I should be doing; yet I choose not to...what is wrong with this picture?!

I love my life...everything seems to be going as planned. Yet, I am not happy. I always find myself wanting more. I have so much to be grateful for...and I am...I just can't find happiness...it seems to have disappeared. I can pretend and I smile and say things are great. They are. I have no reason at all to be unhappy. I don't know why I feel unhappy; I just am...that's me. That's what defines me, I guess.