Shared Tears

Last night was quite the night at work. I worked 19 hours straight without a break. Intense; to say the least. Everyday I am learning and yesterday was no different. To make a 16 hour shift exciting of course we had to have a code. It didn't start as a code, but our little emergency quickly took a turn for the worse. I didn't panick. I was level headed and made the appropriate phone calls. I called all the right people and I talked to them in a very calm manner. The person ended up not making it. All of the staff knew this patient and their family on a very personal basis because they had been on our floor for so long. Everyone was in tears. I did not cry. It was sad, but I couldn't do it. I was the one telling everyone that they did everything that they could have and that it was going to be ok. Life isn't always ok when you lose a loved one. It is down right hard. As for the staff, we did what we could and everyone worked so hard. It is sad. I could not cry. People at work kind of thought that I was cold hearted because there was no tears shed. It reminds me of my grandma. I didn't cry then either. I cry a lot when I am alone, but when other people are hurting I do not cry. I always put others first. If they are hurting I have to be strong. I can only hurt when everyone else is strong. It doesn't mean that I don't care. It just means that I care so much that I want to make sure you are ok first. I love people. I love my job. While bad things happen; so many things are learned from those experiences.