Alone

I pretend that I am self sufficient and that I don't need anyone else. My parents are leaving me. I tell myself that I will be ok, but I don't know if that is a reality. I am afraid to be alone. I couldn't go away to college because I was too afraid of being alone. I bought a house 4 houses down from my parents because I knew that I wouldn't be alone. Now...my parents are leaving me. I am scared. What happens if I get a flat tire? What happens when my friends don't answer the phone? Who is going to save me if someone tried to break into my house? Who is going to help me fix the lawn mower? Who is going to help me dig a whole in the front yard when the dirt is too hard? Who is going to let me borrow a glass of milk or a slice of bread? Who is going to fix my computer? Who is going to fix the hole in the wall? Who is going to fix my hot water heater? Who is going to buy my ink cartriges for my printer when I am not sure which one to get? I can't be in this house alone. I need my parents. I am scared. I know that I will have friends that are here for me, but the fact of the matter is that they are not my family. Noone but my family is ever going to put me first. My mom offers to bring me dinner at work when she finds out I am unexpectedly working late. Noone else will do that. I don't trust anyone. I am too scared to trust anyone. I am self sufficient. I don't need anyone else. People always leave anyway. My brother moved out. My parents are fleeing the state. My best friend left me in an airport. Friends always move on...that is a fact of life. Don't ever get too close...the closer you get the more power they have over you...the more it will hurt when they leave you. They always leave. Don't open up. Don't get close. Don't trust. Always smile and be polite, but never believe. Don't get hurt.