Hospice

So yesterday I was assigned to work in the hospice hall. I don't normally work that hall because someone else really enjoys it, but it was her day off. I have to admit that it was really hard for me. It is true that as a nurse you are compassionate, but it is so hard for me to find that fine line. I am the type of person that takes on everyone else's emotions. I want everyone to be happy and I will work my darndest to make sure they are happy. However, working with hospice families was really heart breaking. I couldn't make them happy. They wanted their loved one back and that was something that I just didn't have the power to do. It wasn't that they were mad at me, but they were grieving and there were lots of tears. My automatic reaction to tears is to ask whats wrong and then fix it. It was so hard for me because I knew what was wrong, but there was nothing I could do to make the hurt go away. Working this hall really helped me to develop true compassion. I put my whole heart and soul into making sure the patient and the family was comfortable and doing everything in my ability to make things the slightest bit better. I couldn't make the pain go away, but I atleast tried to make it more bearable. There are the crying wives and the crying husbands about to lose their spouses of several years. Its so hard. The one thing that I could say to make it the slightest bit better is that this is not the end. For the most part, people that have loved ones dying will eat this right up. Lucky for me...I know it to be true. I can't doubt. I have lost my grandma. She was my world. I talked to her every day; several times a day. This mortal life is only but a short time. Telling these families that this was not the end helped. You could see the relief in their eyes when they saw that someone else, from the outside, truly believed this principle. It was hard to be with grieving families for 12 hours. However, I am a better person for it. There was no instant gratification. There was no thank you said. There was no problem that was suddenly fixed. However, my compassion for these children of God was strengthened. I truly was able to care and to keep caring without the gratification of a job well done. I guess it is incentive to get paid to do it. Regardless though, it is not the job that I normally do and I could have done it half way because I know that I will not be working that hall tomorrow. I feel good though. As selfish as it may have be...I probably helped myself that day more than I helped anyone else.